Trending Topics: We’re Not Just In Cleveland Anymore, Dorothy*

I love the Cleveland trending topic location option, but I can’t just be all Cleveland all the time.  (Actually, I probably could get away with it, but I’m practicing for when I go national.)

Here are the top five Trending Topics, right now, Monday May 16th, 2011:

1) #ignoredtextmessages – Text messages have many advantages over phone calls, and the foremost among those is the ability to ignore the person texting you.  Sure, you can look at the caller ID and not answer the phone, but what happens when you decide to answer the phone but then immediately regret it?  When the girl who called you suddenly starts hinting toward you having her babies and what kind of ring she wants, you can’t just set the phone down and walk away.  You’re stuck awkwardly giggling and fighting back daymares featuring the chick you’re talking to and scenes from Fatal Attraction.

With a text you have all night to take some deep breaths, watch a romantic comedy and craft a disarming response.  Texts win.

@NoWordsNeeded: I’m pregnant #ignoredtextmessages

@Rwinefine90: I want u to have my baby #ignoredtextmessages #lostyomind

See, they all agree with me.

2) #thatswhyursingle – Is it because I’m constantly watching sports, daydreaming about golfing, always getting lost in thought, spend too much time in front of a computer, make stupid jokes, forget about making dinner, get caught up in what I’m doing and ignore the rest of the world, jump up and down swinging my arms at big moments in big games, embarrass everyone I can by randomly dancing at the grocery store and write articles about the Medina helicopter debate? (This first one, and then a long-winded retort to a comment.)

Well, boo on you, haters, because I’m not single.  Boom.  Outta here.

@JBBostonArmy: you’re an arrogant asshole.#thatswhyursingle
No need to mince words.

3) #ispendwaytomuchmoneyon – Not grammar lessons. I can’t complain too much about the misuse of to, too and two, at least they’re literate enough to be on Twitter.

The vast majority of people mention either gas or food, with college making a respectable showing.  Our winner doesn’t need any of those things:

@Trav_is_lindsay: #ispendwaytomuchmoneyon Hookers and bubblegum

4) Fitted Cap – This is a song.  A rap song, although I imagine that you probably assumed that it was a rap song.  It’s moments like this that make it difficult for me to defend one of my favorite genres.  Here’s the blurb:

Maybach Music Group’s Wale, Meek Mill and President Rick Ross link up with Roc Nation’s golden boy J. Cole for “Fitted Cap”

Ugh.

5) Seth MacFarlane – “Deadline.com reports that “Family Guy” creator Seth MacFarlane has acquired the rights to reboot, on TV and film, “The Flintstones,” that famous pre-historic family from Bedrock.”

Yes, please.  I just wish Chris Farley was alive to be Barney.

*Or whatever your name is.

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1 Comment

Filed under Trending Topics

One response to “Trending Topics: We’re Not Just In Cleveland Anymore, Dorothy*

  1. if you were single it would probably be because you watch romantic comedies and ignore text messages

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