This week I saw some awesome news come across my twitter timeline, Cleveland was added to the trending topic location list! I actually needed the little extra mojo from the interwebs to get back to my online blogging roots after being so (happily) busy writing for 90 Feet and Running and the Cleveland Free Press. My dreams of being able to have a voice in the Cleveland sports scene are slowly coming true, but my life won’t be full without fulfilling my dreams of making fun of what people are talking about on Twitter.
Here it is, folks, the twitter trending topics right now, right here, Wednesday April 13th, in Cleveland, Ohio.
1.) #agoodboyfriend – Also known as #me, #railbirdj, #josh, and #thisguy. (Notice I used pound signs to make those aliases twitter authentic) Really, though, this hashtag is actually kind of inspiring. Most of twitter is snarky pessimism, but the good boyfriend hashtag is a big list of people mostly posting good thoughts. Even with all that positivity, though, this tweet is my favorite:
@NotGaryBusey: #Agoodboyfriend is what Barry Bonds is going to need in prison
2.) #uknowlifehardwhen – You can’t spell or use proper grammar? Or this:
@uniquely_me16: lmbo ; #uknowlifehardwhen its back to the stripper pole.
I feel like we should all send this girl a dollar. I know, I know, that’s a stripper joke, but if we send the money via Paypal we won’t have a two drink minimum or have to ruin our pants sitting on those suspicious looking couches in the corner.
3.) Tom Brady – Tom Brady, married to Giselle Bundchen, six time pro-bowler, two time Super Bowl MVP, three time Super Bowl Champion, and worth about 14 kajillion dollars broke down in tears in an interview because he was drafted in the sixth round of the NFL draft. If the interview was from 2001, I would completely understand, but it was this week! Here’s a tweet from Brian Scalabrine, an NBA icon (sort of) who spent a few years in Brady’s Boston:
@BScalabrine24: Tom Brady needs 2 grow up.I was drafted later than I thought I would b..lost some Championships…and am a sex icon #scaldontcry #realtalk
The sex icon line is the best. Give me a second, I’m giggling.
4.) Toya – This is for Toya Carter, who has a TV deal to make Toya: A Family Affair. I have no idea who this woman is, although after a cursory Google search it seems like she’s mixed up with bad rappers Whiz Khalifa and Rick Ross somehow. I also saw that she had a rant against a gay teenager and really hates someone named Nivea (I assume that’s a person’s name, but I’m pretty sure it’s also a hand lotion.) I don’t know, but if you want to follow her on twitter, she’s @Toya_Carter. Maybe she’ll be ranting against homosexuals and laying down hot remixes when you check her timeline.
5.) Kobe Bryant – Our second athlete of the day famous for being a big dumbhead. Kobe called a ref a “fucking faggot” after a technical foul call against the San Antonio Spurs. Sigh. Holy shit, Kobe, really? I don’t even know how to admonish you, except that you deserve the $100,000 fine. Yes, because you shouldn’t be using obvious hate speech, but also because you should know better. Good Lord, don’t you remember how closely people watch you? Twitter is mostly abuzz with retweets of articles and people asking what Kobe said, but as always, there were a couple gems. Here’s my favorite:
@PaulyPeligroso: So a homophobe, a rapist, and a black guy walk into a bar, and everyone’s like “Can I have your autograph, Kobe?”
That, my friends, is the first Cleveland Trending Topics. My work here is done.