Trending Topics: The Great Zodiac Crisis Edition

The top five twitter trending topics, right now, Thursday January 13th, 2011.

  1. #realmen – You really don’t need me to explain this to you, unless you’re white. This hashtag is so dominated by young urban people that you need the once famous @English50Cent twitter account to read most of the tweets.

    Gotta love the obvious white dude, though: “@MadMaleFiz #realmen Can tie a tie!”


  2. #youneedanewboyfriend – Mostly girls who are making it obvious that their tweets on the subject are things that they are currently disgruntled about in their relationships. Given my lifetime of observing women who need new boyfriends, I’d put the percentage of these tweeters that follow their own advice at about 25%.
  3. #MLSSuperDraft – Three rounds of 18 picks means there will be 54 more American joggers who will be putting off the real world for another couple years to go play soccer. I hope this draft is filled with psychiatrists so they can offer counseling to each other because they spent the last 12 years getting bullied for playing a stupid sport.

    You would think that after a college education these guys would know that soccer doesn’t start counting as a sport until you get out of the United States. And that’s only because those fans will kill me if I don’t add something nice.

  4. Shawn Kemp – ESPN asked which former player Blake Griffin most resembles, and the majority answer was Shawn Kemp. This is fantastic news for Blake Griffin, until the child support comes due from 9 different women and his ass gets so big he ends up having to play for the Cavs to make ends meet.
  5. Ophiuchus – Ophiuchus is the newly announced 13th Zodiac sign that the Babylonians passed up in favor of having only 12 signs. The dates for Ophiuchus are Nov. 29 – Dec. 17. This also means that some people’s Zodiac signs are now wrong.

    The all time best thing about this is seeing how absolutely pissed off people are because their sign changed. Talking about how they are such a libra that they can’t possibly be anything else! Well, you are something else, and this means that instead of you actually being such a libra, you’ve been tailoring your life and actions to imitate what you think a libra would be. Easy translation: astrology is nothing more than a cool set of stories that some people actually believe.

    Scientologists think people that swear believe in astrology are suckers.

I used to be a Gemini, I’m now a Taurus. My horoscope is still only going to be as informative as a fortune cookie.



Filed under Trending Topics

6 responses to “Trending Topics: The Great Zodiac Crisis Edition

  1. JohnnyWasHere

    I must disagree with your take on the horoscopes. Your “sign” is based on the celestial alignment at your time of birth. The claim is that the alignment of the Earth to the Sun has altered, thereby changing this celestial alignment.

    You were still born under the same sign you were born under, it doesn’t change. Those yet to be born will simply have a 13th possibility, and a slightly skewed set of dates determining their “sign”.

    • Oh. So I’m still a Gemini.

      (And that still has no bearing on my life, horoscopes are still hocus-pocus mumbo jumbo, and a third thing that I can’t think of because my head is over-run by work part numbers.)

      • JohnnyWasHere

        Yes, you are still a Gemini (I seem to have a number of them as friends here of late)………

        The actual sign has a scientific basis. The meaning/implication/etc of that sign is hocus-pocus, mumbo jumbo, crazy ass voodoo nonsense.

        With the exception of Leo’s. They seem catastrophically dangerous to my mental well being….

      • Agreed. Astronomy exists as an important science. Astrology exists as a way for women to put on a fake third nipple, go topless at a dirtmall and charge naïve teenagers lots of money to tell their future.*

        *bonus points for knowing that movie.

      • JohnnyWasHere

        On second thought, I’m thinking you might really be a Taurus…….

  2. only a Gemini/Taurus would post something like this!
    don’t make me get all hooligany about the soccer stuff either. I actually watched the MLS super draft.

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