Why Be Stressed?

I’m sure we’ve all seen that Cleveland was recently ranked the third most stressed out city in the country. I’m not sure who did the study, but enough people tweeted about it that I’m pretty solid on the fact that the study exists. (This is why my writing career hasn’t taken off. My idea of research is “Hey, here’s this thing I think I heard, I’ll bang out something awesome about it tomorrow without actually knowing what I’m talking about”). Some folks disagree. These are mostly folks who are good at life. (I’m in no way being disparaging, and have in fact become better at life myself. Its just that I was a giant idiot for most of my learning years). I, however, completely understand why Cleveland is stressed. Its because I couldn’t (can’t) find a part time job.

No, really, I’m not crazy (I’m lying), I’ll explain.

I’ve always had the opinion that no matter how bad the economy gets, there’s work out there for men and women willing to go out and apply a little elbow grease to life. So, when I wanted to get a part time gig, I thought for sure all I had to do was get ready for long hours and go sign some paperwork.

Except, after two dozen applications, I realized that it takes more than a good work ethic to find work, it takes luck. Well, luck and high speed internet. Because filling out an online application with an 80 question survey is the best way to find good people to work in your store. (Stupid. Asses.)

I’m not just whining because no one picked me, I’m miffed because I’m qualified to do every job I applied for with little or no training. Here’s a resume (abridged):

  • Hertz Rental Car. Customer service. I killed upselling folks and making commission. Once even gave Stone Cold Steve Austin a ride in a Town Car.
  • Key Office Service. Worked in Asset Recovery at GM Parma. Pretty much just a ton of inventory paperwork, but if GM can trust me, why can’t Home Depot?
  • Leather Limited. I freaking managed this retail store at Great Northern Mall. We broke volume sales records and made mad commission (By we I mean myself and the manager Nicole Holmes. She’s getting a shout because she was great to work with. If you know her, tell her she says “Oregon” wrong.) Also, this is the same as The Leather Company at Southpark Mall, but the company had a bit of turmoil and changed everything.
  • Currently, I’m a tig welding, tow motor certified, production planner. I do inventory, scheduling, ordering, and anything else that no one else is doing.

(Not only did I leave off other jobs I’ve had, I also didn’t mention the whole “playing cards and working a pool hall” couple years, either. Yes, I have stories.)

My opinion is that I’d be perfect for any job that’s either warehouse, retail or both. The problem is that a website questionaire just can’t capture the depth of a person or their experience. The website guru for whatever company runs the Lowes website gives a shit that I’m certified to run a tow motor, but I bet the manager would be happy to have a good sales person who can grab stuff off the top shelf. (I know this doesn’t sound glamorous. I’m not wearing eye shadow, either)

That’s the stress of the situation. There are tons of people out there looking for work who are willing and able to do the work, but there isn’t enough employers willing to talk to them any longer than it takes to say “You need go to AdvancedAutoParts.com and fill out the form” (Verbatim. That guy was a douche). At least at Target they put you in the application cage so everyone checking out can watch the action.

And all I want is 20 hours a week. No benefits. No crazy perks. Just a freaking part time job for someone with great communication skills, retail and management experience, and a kick ass smile.

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One response to “Why Be Stressed?

  1. Pingback: A Tweetable Thank You « Railbird J. Slim

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